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I bet you thought this was a post about capitalism, pluralism and all things political


Had I won the recent record breaking powerball, I planned on building a residential compound somewhere secluded with massive acreage. Not the kind of compound featured in documentaries about extreme societies, where one charismatic leader manipulates the rest of the inhabitants. I simply meant one that would allow my family to live together. Ok, so there might be SOME similarities as my compound would consist of ONE overbearing mother/grandmother that would insert herself into the lives of her children/grandchildren on a daily basis...but not for the purpose of controlling them, just with the intention of ensuring they are safe and thriving. Now, when I say "live together", I don't mean under the same roof, oh no! I mean in close proximity-separate residences on the same property ...close enough to borrow a cup of sugar from each other, but far enough that it would have to be retrieved by some form of transportation, like a horse, or golf cart, or four wheeler.....all things I plan to possess and provide for my family when I win big. Every time there is a huge jackpot at stake, I fantasize about these new living arrangements...the extravagant homes built on a vast stretch of land that accommodates all forms of outdoor fun. A barn full of horses, open fields and obstacles for various ATV adventures...snowmobiles, dirt bikes, 4 wheelers and so on, a large swimming pool, and various recreational areas for anything else our hearts desired. I envision a lifestyle of fun and activity in the company of our children and grandchildren, always having what we need right there at home. I also try to plan for every possible contingency that would rob us of health and safety in this fantasy arrangement. My newfound wealth will supply protective gear for all the activities, only the best safety-rated vehicles for travel in and outside of the compound, round the clock security, natural disaster accommodations, and a fully skilled staff to keep the children safe while swimming and engaging in all the other activities. I have a solution for every possible calamity....ALMOST. It's a well known fact that I have some irrational fears. (It's also a well known fact that I have friends and family who like to exploit those fears for their own amusement.) I fully acknowledge these fears are irrational, but that doesn't seem to diminish their ongoing death grip on my psyche. Rather than combat these fears, I simply accept them. They're a part of who I am now and I like to delude myself by perceiving them as endearing rather than idiotic. In this particular powerball fantasy of mine, ONE of those irrational fears seems to consistently interrupt my utopia...my fear of snakes (or "slithering vampires" as I like to refer to them) My round-the-clock security would remedy the other irrational fears (clowns and mascots) but keeping snakes off the property would be a difficult task. At this point in the planning of my windfall wonderland I resort to the story of Rikki Tikki Tavi by Rudyard Kipling. If you're not familiar, Rikki Tikki Tavi is a pet mongoose adopted by a British family to protect them from poisonous snakes while residing in India. Problem solved! I just need to adopt a pet mongoose...right?

Wrong! This is a vast property, I'm going to need more than one mongoose. Where does one acquire a mongoose? Amazon? A pet store? I'm going to need an entire army of them to patrol the borders of my imaginary compound to deter any potential snake intrusions...here is where my fantasy goes off the rails, where I reach the point of illusion-interruptus. Not because procuring a mongoose may prove to be challenging but because I will need multiples and I’m uncertain of the plural form of mongoose. My blonde logic reasons that it should be “monGEESE” but my Amazon account laughed at me when I entered that word in the search bar...& once again a simple matter of “PLURALism” ( not the political kind, but the grammar kind) and “CAPITALism” (not the political kind, but for my obvious use of capitals for emphasis) ruins my focus and conflicts my world. For real, this is where it ends! I can't seem to get past this grammar conundrum and now I'm not so sure I even WANT to win the lottery...besides, I'm already rich (as evidenced by these photos of outdoor fun withOUT the compound and winning the lottery)


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